MALO

Friend, you are not 'young at heart'. You simply never finished evolving. Your soul is still hanging from a branch, swinging in the breeze, going crosseyed at the sight of bananas. When the human ancestors decided to climb down from the trees, walk upright, and put on suits with neckties, the Drained Monkey's ancestor watched them from a nearby tree, scratched its butt, and let out a single contemptuous 'eee'. Drained Monkeys see through it all: this thing called 'civilization' is just the most boring, most expensive video game ever made. Rules can be bent. Ceilings exist to be hung from. Conference rooms exist to be backflipped in. The Drained Monkey is, fundamentally, a stray thought that fell out of someone's enormous brain and forgot to close the door.